Class is in session. Pull up a chair, because it's that time of year again.
The temperature drops. The days get shorter. And all of a sudden, the person who left you on read all summer is back in your DMs with a "hey stranger." Welcome to cuffing season, that stretch from fall into Valentine's Day when everybody suddenly wants somebody to hold.
Now listen. Wanting closeness when it's cold and the holidays are coming is not a crime. Wanting company is human. But here's the question I need every student guest to ask before they get comfortable:
Are you getting cuffed, or are you getting used?
Because those are two very different things. One is somebody choosing you. The other is somebody choosing convenience, and you just happen to be the convenient one.
The cuffing season pattern
Here's how it usually goes. They show up in October. They're sweet, they're consistent, they're around for the holidays and the family pictures. Then spring comes, the weather warms up, and suddenly they "need space." They "aren't ready." They "never said we were exclusive."
And you're left wondering what happened, when really nothing happened. Nothing was ever defined. That's not a relationship. That's a situationship with a seasonal schedule.
Five signs you're being kept warm, not chosen
- They only show up when it's convenient for them. Late-night texts, last-minute plans, but they're nowhere to be found on a regular Tuesday.
- The future is always "let's see." Ask about next month and you get a shrug. Ask about next year and you get a subject change.
- You've never met their people. Holidays are coming. If they're dodging every family gathering and friend hangout, pay attention.
- The label conversation keeps getting pushed. "Why do we need a label?" is a question. It's not an answer.
- You feel anxious more than you feel secure. A real connection gives you peace. A situationship gives you questions.
Signs you're actually getting cuffed (the good way)
- They make plans with you, not just around you.
- They're consistent in the daytime, not just after dark.
- They talk about the future and include you in it.
- They're willing to have the "what are we" talk without running.
- Their words and their actions say the same thing.
LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!
Here's the truth nobody wants to hear: cuffing season doesn't create situationships. It just exposes them. If something is real, it will still be real in April. If it's only real when it's cold outside, it was never really yours.
So before you hand over your heart for the holidays, get clear. Ask the question. Say what you want out loud. The right person won't run from that conversation. The wrong one will show you exactly who they are, and that's a gift too.
Not sure where you stand right now? That's exactly why I built the free assessment. Fourteen honest questions, about five minutes, and you'll know if you're in a real relationship, on the edge, or deep in a situationship.
Your homework, student guest
Step 1: Take the free 5-minute Situationship Assessment. Your score shows up instantly, right on the page.
Step 2: Grab the free Situationship Red Flag Checklist.
Step 3: Ready to do the real work? Pick up the Situationship Survival Academy Guide (Paperback, $19.99), or get the best value with the Bundle of Joy: Guide + Companion Workbook ($27.99). Paperbacks are in limited supply right now, so grab yours while they're here.
Class dismissed. Love ya,
Versace Donn